It's been 4 months since my surgery. I feel like I lost 2 months of time and it's now just April. It is only slightly messing with my daily life.
The good news is, I've been super motivated to make positive changes in my lifestyle and mindset. I believe gaining weight and having frankenboobs has made me a tad bit depressed.
So Tim and I joined a gym.
I have managed to workout 11 of the past 15 days. Not too shabby for someone who has NEVER IN THEIR LIFE worked out at a gym.
Let me tell you about our gym. Because it is owned by Integris (employee benefits WHOOP WHOOP) we each got a fitness/wellness evaluation before we even started working out. This educated and trained employee tested cholesterol, blood pressure, heart rate, etc. It's also filled with mostly older people. They come, drink their coffee, read their papers, and mill around the gym.
It's what I can only imagine an active senior living center is like.
In my fitness/wellness assessment, I learned that I am obese but I have above average abdominal strength. How about them apples?
So what are my goals for working out?
To no longer be categorized as obese. Also, to get stronger and more confident in my new body. It's not about the weight on the scale. Scales are horrible demons that shouldn't exist (but only to weigh my pot roast so I know how long to roast it).
I also want to be the best, most healthy version of myself. Isn't that why I did all of this in the first place?
We are currently fighting with the insurance company to get my second surgery approved as a "medical necessity". Cross your fingers y'all or I might just have frankenboobs for the rest of my life.
I've gained 20 pounds since surgery.
Yes, you read that correctly - TWENTY POUNDS! I am staring a number on the scale in the face that I have never seen. I am sizing out of my pants as fast as a growing toddler.
So, we've initiated the "no asshole" rule when it comes to food. I've cut myself down to one dessert or boozy drink a week. This is pure torture. I love sugar and I love booze, so choosing between the two is a monstrous decision, but it has got to be done.
Next week I have the pleasure of accepting an award on behalf of Uptown 23rd (where I am the Executive Director). My face will be projected on giant screens in the Cox Convention Center and I cannot even begin to think about what my face will look like + 20 pounds.
I've always been insecure about my size. I'm one of those in between girls - not a size 6 (even though I have owned a few size 6 pants in my time) and I'm not plus sized either. Medium shirts are often too tight in areas while the large is too baggy.
Adding 20 pounds to that has just made it worse. Luckily, everyone I have talked to about this has told me a few things: it's normal - my body has gone through a significant stress so my cortizol levels are bonkers; I don't LOOK like I've gained 20 pounds (I'm really good at posing for pictures, please do not take any candid photos of me); and I'm over 30...good luck getting rid of it (you lot are jerks BTW). So we've been eating chicken and kale and quinoa. We aren't eating out as much. I've started Piyo again and working on transitioning to 21 Day Fix. I have also been doing detox baths (I love baths).
Yesterday I overheard a girl in the check out line talking loudly on her phone about how she never eats vegetables (EW!) and hardly drinks waters - she prefers Dr. Pepper. This girl was easily a size 2, if not 0 and wearing her athleisure clothing and wedge sneakers. I hate her.
I will keep going. Keep eating right. Keep sweating to the oldies. Keep away from booze. Keep taking it one day at a time.
Because I did all of this for a reason and that reason was to be the best, healthiest version of myself so now I just get to start again with the process and make good, smart habits since I can!
Sorry about that.
Christina Mallory Chicoraske - a 30 year old, 4th generation Okie, diagnosed BRCA2+ and undergoing a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy. This is the tale of my journey with hopes to inform and encourage other young women searching for answers after a BRCA1/2 gene mutation discovery.