It's been 4 months since my surgery.  I feel like I lost 2 months of time and it's now just April. It is only slightly messing with my daily life.  

The good news is, I've been super motivated to make positive changes in my lifestyle and mindset.  I believe gaining weight and having frankenboobs has made me a tad bit depressed.  

So Tim and I joined a gym.

I've gained 20 pounds since surgery.

Yes, you read that correctly - TWENTY POUNDS!  I am staring a number on the scale in the face that I have never seen.  I am sizing out of my pants as fast as a growing toddler. 

So, we've initiated the "no asshole" rule when it comes to food.  I've cut myself down to one dessert or boozy drink a week.  This is pure torture.  I love sugar and I love booze, so choosing between the two is a monstrous decision, but it has got to be done.

Next week I have the pleasure of accepting an award on behalf of Uptown 23rd (where I am the Executive Director).  My face will be projected on giant screens in the Cox Convention Center and I cannot even begin to think about what my face will look like + 20 pounds.  

I've always been insecure about my size.  I'm one of those in between girls - not a size 6 (even though I have owned a few size 6 pants in my time) and I'm not plus sized either.  Medium shirts are often too tight in areas while the large is too baggy.  

Adding 20 pounds to that has just made it worse.  Luckily, everyone I have talked to about this has told me a few things: it's normal - my body has gone through a significant stress so my cortizol levels are bonkers; I don't LOOK like I've gained 20 pounds (I'm really good at posing for pictures, please do not take any candid photos of me); and I'm over 30...good luck getting rid of it (you lot are jerks BTW).  So we've been eating chicken and kale and quinoa.  We aren't eating out as much.  I've started Piyo again and working on transitioning to 21 Day Fix.  I have also been doing detox baths (I love baths).  

Yesterday I overheard a girl in the check out line talking loudly on her phone about how she never eats vegetables (EW!) and hardly drinks waters - she prefers Dr. Pepper.  This girl was easily a size 2, if not 0 and wearing her athleisure clothing and wedge sneakers. I hate her. 

I will keep going.  Keep eating right.  Keep sweating to the oldies.  Keep away from booze.  Keep taking it one day at a time.

Because I did all of this for a reason and that reason was to be the best, healthiest version of myself so now I just get to start again with the process and make good, smart habits since I can!

A lot has happened the past month.

I started Physical Therapy.
I LOVE IT!  My PT is a great gal with an amazing sense of humor and really understands that my goal is simple - to be able to get the coffee off the top shelf of the cabinet.  Priorities.
I can easily drive the Jeep now.  No longer need a boob pillow to drive comfortably and I only get stuck in one or two pieces of clothing a week.  I'm pretty sure that last point is pretty on par with my pre-surgery body.
Also, I can do reps with 5 lb. weights.  Watch out world, here I come!
I am back to work full-speed ahead - AHOY!  
We had two major events, back to back the first week in April and I may have over done it.  It's been two weeks and I am still physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.  This recovery business is no joke!  I'm lucky to have a job that allows me to keep a pretty fluid schedule, but I still think I may have overworked myself at the beginning of the month.  Don't worry, I promised my doctor I would work on taking it easy.  
I dyed my hair red! EEP!
Can you be obsessed with yourself and not be a total douchebag?  Because I think I am!  It was exactly what I needed to give me a little bit of a "post-surgery I hate my boobs and my body" boost.  I've never dyed my hair - EVER.  I've always wanted to and have always felt like a fierce, fiery ginger and now I LOOK like I FEEL on the inside.  My hairstylist is amazing and we started with demipermanent, but I think we are locking it in this month and making it a real deal!  Also, all those years of growing out my hair have really upped my mermaid status.

I am now 31.  Weird.
I turned 31 and I haven't really figured out how I feel about it.

[That's a lie.  I'm not happy about it.]  
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I feel like this is a weird age and a weird year and I'm going to keep telling everyone I'm 30.  I was pretty grumpy leading up to the day of my birthday, but it ended up being a pretty stellar day.  Brunch at my favorite restaurant, shopping for a new purse and wallet at the mall, and then wrapping up the day with perfect weather and TopGolf.  
I never would have thought that only two months after surgery I would have been able to play TopGolf, but boy did I.  My chip game is strong y'all.  I don't trust myself to be hitting the big clubs, but I'm ok with that and you should be too!
I wore a formal gown to an event and felt like a beautiful mermaid princess (with my red hair).

I was really worried about finding a dress.  I had less than a week to find something to attend the Western Heritage Awards in.  But luckily, Rent the Runway can through and I magically chose a dress that I could go braless in and the pleated chiffon hid my rumpled, scarred boobs.  WIN!

I promise that I haven't forgotten about our pact, I will keep writing and updating you all.  I have another surgery coming up in June to do the first round of edits to my boobs.  It should be pretty exciting - there is liposuction involved.  :D