Weight, Weight, Don't tell me

I've gained 20 pounds since surgery.

Yes, you read that correctly - TWENTY POUNDS!  I am staring a number on the scale in the face that I have never seen.  I am sizing out of my pants as fast as a growing toddler. 

So, we've initiated the "no asshole" rule when it comes to food.  I've cut myself down to one dessert or boozy drink a week.  This is pure torture.  I love sugar and I love booze, so choosing between the two is a monstrous decision, but it has got to be done.

Next week I have the pleasure of accepting an award on behalf of Uptown 23rd (where I am the Executive Director).  My face will be projected on giant screens in the Cox Convention Center and I cannot even begin to think about what my face will look like + 20 pounds.  

I've always been insecure about my size.  I'm one of those in between girls - not a size 6 (even though I have owned a few size 6 pants in my time) and I'm not plus sized either.  Medium shirts are often too tight in areas while the large is too baggy.  

Adding 20 pounds to that has just made it worse.  Luckily, everyone I have talked to about this has told me a few things: it's normal - my body has gone through a significant stress so my cortizol levels are bonkers; I don't LOOK like I've gained 20 pounds (I'm really good at posing for pictures, please do not take any candid photos of me); and I'm over 30...good luck getting rid of it (you lot are jerks BTW).  So we've been eating chicken and kale and quinoa.  We aren't eating out as much.  I've started Piyo again and working on transitioning to 21 Day Fix.  I have also been doing detox baths (I love baths).  

Yesterday I overheard a girl in the check out line talking loudly on her phone about how she never eats vegetables (EW!) and hardly drinks waters - she prefers Dr. Pepper.  This girl was easily a size 2, if not 0 and wearing her athleisure clothing and wedge sneakers. I hate her. 

I will keep going.  Keep eating right.  Keep sweating to the oldies.  Keep away from booze.  Keep taking it one day at a time.

Because I did all of this for a reason and that reason was to be the best, healthiest version of myself so now I just get to start again with the process and make good, smart habits since I can!