The breast excuse to party

I woke up this morning filled with all of the emotions a Saturday morning after a great Friday night can bring.

And no, I'm not hungover, but some waffles would really hit the spot right now.

I'm talking the deep stuff like, but not limited to:

{photo cred: http://www.vox.com/2015/6/29/8860247/inside-out-emotions-graphic}

It should really be known that I have the best friends!  I could not have predicted the level of care, attention, compassion, and support they would show - and we haven't even gotten to the REAL stuff yet!

So last night, they threw me a Boob Voyage part; saying ta ta to the tatas; tata for now; bye, bye, bye boobies, etc.  Truly the breast reason to throw a party.  Some of my favorite people came out to cheers them goodbye.  Getting to choose our cup size for beverages, a bra pull apart cupcake cake, boob balloons, and a boob jello mold that was laced with vodka (I motor-boated* and then tried to slurp it through a straw...) - it was a pretty stellar night.  No tears were shed although a shot was poured out for my homies in remembrance of the 18 or so years that the "girls" have been with me.

*I was too scared to look up the past verb tense of motor boat.  Please excuse my grammar if it is incorrect. Deal with it.

I didn't cry until I got home.  
(like I said...ALL the emotions)  
I am so amazed by my friends, being able to laugh with me and make something fun out of something that is so terrifying.  People keep calling me brave, which is great for my ego, but sometimes I don't feel brave.  I'm scared.  I sometimes feel alone in a sea of all this love and support.  Sometimes I start getting nostalgic about my boobs.  When did I get them?  How long have they been with me?  Who was the first boy to awkwardly stick their hand up/down my shirt?  When did I buy my first real bra?  Has that red mole always been there?  They provide so much warmth for me, what will implants feel like?  How scary will I look to my husband without nipples? (I'm sure, after I've had some wine and gain the courage, there will be an entire post on nipples.)  Will they throw off my golf swing?  When can I golf again?  What will it feel like to sleep on my stomach?

So many thoughts after such a great night, I then got mad at myself for not being present and enjoying the NOW.

And then I got angry at cancer.

And then I got angry at genetics.

And then I got sappy happy about how much I love my husband and our friends.

And then I was relieved that I'm not really alone in any of this and that if I need something and just ask, my friends will be there.

And then...I fell asleep without removing my eye makeup only to wakeup this morning looking like I played Courtney Love in a biopic of her life.  #IWokeUpLikeThis